If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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