Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
