a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
