He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
