i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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