Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize