the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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