she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
