God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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