The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
