so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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