How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
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At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
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all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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