Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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