I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
