He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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