we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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