remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
