Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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