but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
