he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
