She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
