you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
