Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize