Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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