How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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