Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
