I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
