well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
