I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
