So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
