There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
