I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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