Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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