i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
