I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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