Ketchup is God's man juice
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
