My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
