I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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