His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
