so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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