ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
