Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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