That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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