She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
