Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
