The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Houston, we have a blender
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
