yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
