PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
