Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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