Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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