That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
