You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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