I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
