If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
