I wish I could teleport
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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