Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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