Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
