I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
