dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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