turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
